Monday, May 02, 2005

Cautious optimism...

The NYC oncologist ran CT scans last Tuesday before my latest treatment--and the scans show significant tumor reduction in my liver. It's maybe the first genuinely unreservedly positive thing that's happened since surgery in February. For a minute I feel like it's realistic to be hopeful, more realistic than its been since my diagnosis. For a minute I feel myself taking chances on planning, thinking about a future that may actually happen. For a minute...

A year ago Saturday I was sitting in Kirshner's office, listening to him tell me that I had a fatal disease, and that in my case, it likely *would* be fatal. A year ago yesterday I was in surgery for a mediport, so that I could start chemo on May 3--15 rounds of hand-to-hand combat with oxaliplatin, leucovorin, 5-FU and Avastin. The good news from the scans knocked the melancholy feelings I have about the anniversary of my diagnosis right out of the headlines in my head, made that anniversary just a footnote on the bottom of the back page for the day.

Maybe the good news can keep those headlines in 8point type on the bottom of the backpage for a couple more days. I'd really like to keep feeling this positive.

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