Sunday, January 13, 2008

when we can't run away...

I know you can't physically 'run' away from cancer...but sometimes, you can choose to 'be' away. I give myself five minutes every morning to 'be' away, the ones in between the first alarm and the snooze buzzer. The alarms and buzzers remind me that I can't give up yet; those minutes in between are all mine.

Once I get out of bed, my time belongs to other things--to radiation and to chemo nausea; to the dogs; to work; to fighting to stay awake through meetings; to carrying on and pushing through. But those five minutes between the first alarm and the snooze buzzer--they are my chance to run away by just 'being' away, to escape to where ever I can take myself in my head.

I can't run from cancer...but in a weird symbiosis, neither can cancer run from what I and the docs are planning to do to it. We're both locked in the same gladiatrix cage--my body. And like Leroy Sievers posted the other day, when it finally takes me out, I hope someone can see that I beat the crap out of cancer in the process, that I gave cancer as tough a time as it gave me.

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